What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The air was thick with penises
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
