I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
