WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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