i don't plan on having that self control this summer
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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