What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
