He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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