she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
