So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
