I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
