I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
