2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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