The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
