I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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