you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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