dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
