I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
