I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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