i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
