VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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