there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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