You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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