so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
