I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
