well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
