so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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