I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
