I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
