Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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