I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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