you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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