If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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