Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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