My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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