I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
