brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
