Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
