There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
