When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think my vagina is haunted
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
