I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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