I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
