I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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