hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
