Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
