super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
