Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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