She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
