you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
