M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i now understand why vodka
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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