I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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