So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
