apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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