Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Acid is not a monday night drug
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
