cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
