you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
