after a month anything with tits is on the radar
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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