Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
