his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
