i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
