i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
