Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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