You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
and you fell through a lawn chair
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
