The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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