I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
