Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
