Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
