I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
