Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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