He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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