Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
