: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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